Focus on the foundation

‘Good relationships don’t just happen.

They take time ,patience, and two people who truly want to be together.’

In this fast pacing world today, what we neglect most is our sweet nurturing relationships. Right from the dawn we keep chasing one thing or the other, little we realize that we need to enjoy them not just procure or possess them. According to me, I feel, the most neglected relationship is the relationship a couple shares which is actually the foundation stone to all our future generations. Do we ever thought that our marriage relationship is going to give birth to many new relationships and many new generations in future? Practically our answer would be no. Viewing the increasing divorce rate I feel we need to look on to it with much alertness and severity.

In the present scenario the people have totally conceptualized marriage as a ritual wherein the girl has to be some source of money for her spouse. As far as I can recollect about marriage, a good relationship is when someone accepts your past, supports your present and encourages your future. Do we analyze this aspect in our today’s marriage selection or marriage bonds? Let us explore.

There was a time in India when child marriages were most prevalent. During those days, Anandhi Gopalrao Joshi was married to Gopalrao Joshi at the age of nine and bore her first son at the age of fourteen. She lost her son at a span of ten days because of lack of medical facilities. This led her to finally pursue medicine and her husband Gopalrao supported and encouraged her throughout, ultimately resulting in her completing the course and becoming the first female physician of India. Why was this relationship possible?And what sustained this relationship? This couple too was like any other couple. Then why Gopal wanted Anandhi to study and become a Physician.This was possible because Anandhi accepted the past that Gopalrao was a much mature and understanding person than her and Gopalrao accepted that Anandhi is much younger to understand the criticality of the situation. They both accepted the truth of their pasts and supported their present. Gopalrao together fought with Anandhi that a female doctor is needed in India and his wife wants to become one. And throughout he kept encouraging her to complete her course.

The purpose to narrate this story is to make us realize that we have forgotten to cherish our relationship. For becoming an IAS we go for coaching, for passing in exam we go for tuition but to succeed in life we need no preparation. During last month, I had tough time interpreting my boyfriend’s behavior. He had been very good to me all these months but his this distancing behavior was irritating me. So I started reading book, ‘Men are from mars and women are from venus.’ This book taught me why in a relationship a man first gets close and then moves away. This understanding of his behavior reduced much of my anxiety and stress and even though we didn’t talk we both were comfortable and when he felt good he approached me. Understanding him more better I was more loving and receptive. He loved this character of mine. And our relationship which appeared broken or distorted started with much more love and understanding. The warmth we shared after this episode of learning was much cherishable. As a result of this, our relationship deepened.

It is rightly said, ‘The darker the stain, more difficult it is to remove.’ The deeper our relationship became, the more we desired and expected from each other. Life was really bed of roses when I was expecting an admiring yes from him and he was in a mood to prank with me. We soon landed on a heated argument and he barred my calls. Reaching him was impossible. I ran to my master guide book and looked on the chapter how to settle the argument. It enlightened me saying, ‘Express your emotions to him in a love letter and end it with a beautiful appreciating love note. He will read it some time and will cool down.’ Next day morning, I wrote this love letter with admiring love note. He responded me back within two days. The argument was completely destructive and I had no hope of recovery but I wished him to be back in my life. So, I gave it a try and it worked quite well. These insight that both men and women are different and to understand each other better we need to individually explore and analyze, helped me alot in building my relationship. As we didn’t take birth with all knowledge but gradually mastered it in the same way we need to educate ourselves about relationship and master its skills to lead a good life.

As we teach every little thing to our new born babies and growing children to master every aspect of life. In the same way we need to work on our relationships too so that we can nurture good relationships and ultimately good family and a better generation ahead. So to close my words I would say, ‘ A good relationship doesn’t happen because of the love you had in the beginning but how will you continue building love until the end.’

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